Things in my head.


Sometimes I get stuck when I think about my dreams. They seem so big and so bad and so far way. I know what I want, but the pathway there is full of switchbacks and mud slides and storms so great not even the strongest could get through.
I’ve had to pull over so many times, to let others pass, simply because I gave up and they didn’t. Now I watch them leave me in the dust and I wonder why I pulled over in the first place.
I blame so many things, when in reality it was just a lack of passion. It was a lack of faith, an absence of something greater than myself. I let it control me and shove me down, holing up on the side of the road, scared that this would be it for me.
And I wonder if I’m the broken one, that I’m not fighting hard enough to be happy. Not fighting hard enough to be perfect.
Nobody is perfect.
But everybody needs me to be the happy person they all love, no one wants to deal with the sad.
I don’t even want to deal with the sad. I just want to shove it down and ignore it, but I can’t.
In the dark, on that side of the road, I can’t.
I can’t let the fear, that I won’t be good enough, win.
And I won’t let it win.
I will fight it tooth and nail until I claw my way up the mountain. I will conquer that fear and I will find my place, and although it may take me a while, and it may take many steps in the wrong direction, I know I’ll find the right one, because in the end, the only way through is up.


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